You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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