The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
