Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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