I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
3 2 1 whiskey
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
