I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
