They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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