I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
