You're so nebulous sometimes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
