Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
