home. puking in laundry basket.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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