The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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