final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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