i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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