apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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