I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
