Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
