I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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