Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
