When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
