How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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