Cold hands, warm shart.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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