I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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