Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
