So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pants are for mortals
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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