I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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