that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
