Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
