when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
