What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
