There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize