glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
