She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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