FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
