wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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