i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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