the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
