im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
