You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
