You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
As shirtless as possible
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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