it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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