I wanna bring you to show and tell
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's the barista slut.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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