I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
