She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
