Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
