we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
