he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we're making bets on your personal life
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize