I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
