They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
