so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
