Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
