he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
