No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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