8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
