I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
