Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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