Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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