dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
