You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
