im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
