she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
