Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
