don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
