don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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